I am a flower. A petal. A stone.
I am all of these things and none.
I am burning with follicles; I am bound shut by earth.
I am two polar opposites, striking against each other at all times.
I am the thunder raging war on the sky
I am the rain dancing softly in the moonlight
I am the book that you never want to put down
I am the necklace too deeply knotted to ever wear
I am sin
I am sadness
I am hope on a tree
I am lost, eternal, freefalling misery
I am light in the dark
I am the wind in a desert
I am every cliché that you think I deserved
I am lost. I am found. I am almost always a raging sound
I am loud, and fierce, and fiery
I am darkness as it drowns your lungs you cannot breathe.
I am suffocating ego and eternal
My arms, across your neck – making time ephemeral
I am payback dark and dirty
I am your heart when it is not heavy
I am the hole in the donut you never get to see
I am, inexplicably and always me
I am a flower, a petal, a stone in the ground
Oh, how much I long for you to break my sound.
My voice rages, louder than a pentameter, oh how I long to shrink back into the rhythm of your meter.
I am lost, deep in the midst of your notes.
I am struck in a crowd of people I do not know,
I am hope but hope is not me,
I am inexplicably and always me.
I am light when I want; I am the darkest part of your heart,
I am free as a bird flying out of bounds,
Yet I am the small creature trapped to your sound,
It calls me – dark within the night,
Luring me towards it,
Its fight or flight.
I cannot fight any longer,
I hear your heat beating – oh it’s stronger.
I dance in the rain, its pouring down on me,
Its rain drops fierce, and unforgiving,
They come down on me–hard–I am never pleasing.
They shatter my bones and then my skull.
They take me under, under into the deep blue abyss,
Into a world full of places I did not know I could miss.
I drowning deep and trodden – I am walking the line, of a rope long forgotten.
Batting your scars, yet battling my now,
Oh my heart it aches – how it aches – to be alone.
I feel it deep inside my soul.
I feel you coming,
To take control,
Yet I cannot wait,
I cannot surrender,
Because my voice, my heart it grows so tender,
I feel you creeping into my bones,
And no, I do not want you; I do not want you anymore.
Yet here you are again,
Taking me down with you–
When will it ever end?
They call you darkness; I call you my best friend.
You are my strength, my guide, my hope,
Yet you are the one that always cuts the rope
No matter how hard I try to run and pull,
Your strength is too much for me and once again, I fold.
I crumble into ashes, my words are not even my own –
They bleed through the pages, through my heart.
Taking everything I once thought that I owned
And tearing it apart.
I see the sea because I’m drowning within it,
All around me is this force but I once longed for this abyss.
Yet now I’m stranded, so stranded within its mist.
There is no one to call out to,
No one to take me to shore,
And still I stand, knocking and knocking on your door–
Hoping you’ll open it, wide and vast, and let me back into my world,
Oh please, this one time, let it last,
Let my freedom soar,
Leave me be,
Because I am and always inexplicably me.
Yet you do not stumble, you do not sway,
You cast your shadow onto me,
And drift me back into the bay.
I am here.
I am drowning.
And I do not resist-
I let you have me,
Whole and soul,
I let you take me,
Back into your overarching control.